Figuring out the best way to ask out a girl is hard. Whether you’ve known her for a while or you’ve just met her, asking a girl out means putting yourself out there. It means possible rejection.
As we help you learn how to get a girlfriend we want to help with that. In this post I’ll help you find ways to ask a girl out that are most likely to get you a date and help you find that special someone.
Once you figure out how to ask out a girl you can let yourself enjoy the fun, flirtation, and excitement that is supposed to come along with dating.
8 Best Tips to Ask a Girl Out
Approaching a woman to ask her out on a date is nerve-wracking for the most steely-nerved among us. There’s the potential for embarrassment and rejection, and that’s enough to put most of us off the prospect altogether. Unfortunately, like trips to the dentist, it’s something that has to be done. Putting yourself out there is a risk, but there’s no other way to find that sweet, sweet reward.
And as your father was probably fond of saying: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you want to go on dates, you are going to have to run the gauntlet at some point in your life.
You can’t guarantee success, of course, but there are certain strategies that you can employ to maximize your chances of getting a “yes” when you ask someone out on a date. Whether you’re face-to-face or over text/on an app, it’s all about the approach (and standing out in a cute, not creepy, way). Below, you’ll find a few simple steps to give you the best possible chance of landing a date with the girl of your dreams.
1. Do Some Basic Due Diligence to See If She’s Even Available
When asking someone out, this is the first box you must check.
If the woman you’re hoping to go on a date with isn’t even single, you’re going to be shot down pretty quickly, and that’s a waste of time for everyone (although, not bad practice!). It’s not always possible to find out ahead of time whether or not she’s single, especially if she’s a stranger in a bar, but if it’s someone you know through friends or someone who is obviously single since you matched on an app, that’s a clear sign she’s interested in dating.
That being said, she might not necessarily be interested in dating you. Yes, like mentioned above, matching on an app at least means she likes you at first glance — but feel it out. If the conversation goes stale fast, it might not be a perfect match. Approach with caution, be the class act gentleman you are, and just see where things go.
2. Gauge Her Level of Interest
It’s possible to get some idea of how well things will go for you before you’ve so much as spoken a word. It’s best not to go in cold when asking a girl out, so spend some time gauging her level of interestahead of time by paying attention to her body language and nonverbal cues.
Have you spoken to her before and, if so, how well did the interaction go? What was your level of rapport like? Does she make sustained eye contact with you and touch you in a playful way? These can all be indications that she’s interested in you on some level, so try to pay attention to these details before you make your approach.
3. Make Sure the Scene Is Conducive to Success
When you decide to approach the girl you’ve picked, the setting needs to be conducive to success. It can be embarrassing, for example, to ask a woman out if her friends or family are around and within earshot, and likewise if she’s busy doing daily activities like commuting or shopping for groceries. It’s likely she won’t want to be disturbed in this case, and you’re more likely to get an annoyed “no thanks” when you ask in inconvenient settings.
The ideal setting is going to depend somewhat on how well you already know this girl and where you tend to run into her most often (through a circle of friends versus occasionally bumping into her at your local bar, let’s say). Try to be conscious of asking her out in an environment where romantic advances are likely to be welcome.
If you make her feel comfortable and be respectful, she’s much more likely to want to spend more time with you.
4. Look Your Best
This is a basic step, but one that men sometimes slip up on. You will drastically increase your odds of success in-person if you have a fresh haircut, clipped fingernails and smelling good. Consider your outfit, too; there’s no need to be wearing a three piece suit, but make sure you are tidily dressed.
Despite your initial thoughts, how you look is not merely a superficial consideration. In fact, looking your best gives an indication of your level of self-respect and attention to detail, and these are important cues that women will be picking up on. Again, you don’t need to be dressed like the nines and looking like a male model at all times.
The point here? Be fresh, clean and radiating self-respect.
5. Approach With Confidence
We know it’s not always easy, but if you’re approaching a girl with fiddling hands and eyes darting nervously around the place, you’re not going to have as much luck asking her out as if you stroll up confidently and with open body language and strong posture. If you struggle in this area, the “fake it ’til you make it” maxim applies.
Asking someone out is usually at least a little bit awkward on both sides, so it doesn’t need to be a perfectly seamless interaction, but try to have a level of good-faith humor if the conversation gets a bit bumpy. Basically, try to talk to women with the same ease with which you’d speak to your colleagues or friends, but with a more flirty tone.
And if you’re asking them out on an app or over text, well, use that to your advantage. Pace yourself, don’t use words you’re unfamiliar with and don’t beat around the bush. Sure, instead of watching their facial reactions, you’re forced to wait for a response that may never come at all, but that’s just a part of the dating game.
You can only do so much, and if one person isn’t right for you, it’s on to the next one.
6. Have a Basic Script Ready
There’s no need to have every single line you’re going to say polished and rehearsed, but it’s a good idea to have a basic idea of what your approach will be ahead of time. Make a mental note of how you’re going to open, what you’ll say in the interim and how you are going to phrase asking her out.
Be straightforward and polite with your intentions clear. There’s no point darting around the fact that you’re looking for a date, so just use straightforward language rather than fumbling over incomplete sentences that don’t make sense. That way, there’s less room for confusion, and more of a chance you’ll receive a positive response.
7. Have a Follow-Up Idea to Your Initial Plan
Let’s say she says “yes” when you ask her out on a date. Congratulations! That’s the ideal result, but now, you’re going to need to think about what to say next. If you’re left stuttering once she asks what you’ll do on the actual date, it’ll be clear that you’ve given it no consideration.
Dinner or drinks at a nice bar are a pretty safe fallback option, but avoid saying something like, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” It makes you look flaky, indecisive and puts the work on her to think of an idea even though you’re the one who has requested the date.
Propose an activity and set a time, and let the rest play out naturally. Sure, you can interact before the first date, but expect a lot of that initial conversation to take place on the date itself.
8. Be Chill About Rejection
Fingers crossed it doesn’t get to this point, but rejection is a normal (and healthy) part of asking women out on dates. If she’s not into the idea of going out with you for whatever reason, you’re going to have to take it on the chin.
Don’t pester her or repeatedly ask like a three-year-old who’s been told he can’t have a friend over or play with his toys. Flash her a smile, say something polite and low-key, and walk away. Try not to take rejection too personally, either — it happens to everyone, and there’s a good chance it’s not about you. The more relaxed you are about dealing with it, the less it seems like a terrible, self-esteem-crushing fate when it does occur.
None of these steps are rocket science, but they will help the interaction to go as smoothly as possible and maximize your chances of landing a date. Remember, it’s a numbers game, so don’t give up after your first rejection.
She’s out there, it might just take some time to find her.
The Top 8 First Date Ideas
There are essentially two categories of first dates.
There are first dates with people you’ve never seen in the flesh, nor probably talked to on the phone — those you met through an online dating service. The best first date for this scenario is the coffee date, which is something of a cliché, but for good reason: accordion-like in nature, you can cut things short after a 20-minute chat if the person’s looks or personality don’t match what you expected from their profile, or, if things go well, you can extend the date, and ask her if she’d like to accompany you on a second activity — perhaps checking out a local street fair or farmer’s market.
Then there are first dates with someone you’ve already met in person and chatted with a bit. Maybe a classmate, or a barista at a coffee shop you frequent, or a gal you talk with in passing at church. It could even be a long-time friend, who’s previously been nothing more than that. You know them a little (or a lot), but you’ve never gone on an actual date (defined by the 3 P’s: Planned ahead, Paired off, Paid for) with them. In this situation, in which you feel more confident in your chances with the person, and are eager to spend more time with them in a new context, you can opt for a first date that involves a little more commitment.
It’s that category of first dates that the list below is focused on.
A dynamite date in this category includes 5 elements:
- Affordable. Spending a lot signals a big commitment and high expectations, which can actually be off-putting to your date. Keeping things more affordable and casual not only sets the right vibe for her, but benefits you too; if the date doesn’t go as planned, you’re not out a big nut with nothing to show for it. Plus, it enables you to keep first dates more frequent, which, before you find your main squeeze, they should be.
- The chance to converse freely. No movie dates — or concerts, plays, or comedy shows for that matter, no super loud restaurants or bars, and actually, no bowling either — it seems like a good idea, but either you’re up to bowl or she is, and it’s very difficult to get a cohesive conversation going. The whole point of the date is to get to know each other better, and you can’t do that if you’re not able to talk, or can talk, but can’t hear each other.
- Ample face-to-face time. Men prefer socializing side-by-side, but women prefer to do it face-to-face; plus, ample eye contact plays a huge role in building attraction. So don’t do an activity that’s largely side-by-side in nature (ice skating, kayaking) or where you even end up one behind the other (hiking or biking on a narrow trail).
- Novelty. Don’t just do something you do on a normal basis anyway (e.g., go to a bar). A novel activity sets the butterflies aflutter.
- A backdrop that provides easy conversation fodder. There will be nary an awkward silence when there are plenty of things going on around you to comment on and talk about.
There are plenty of lists out there that will give you 30 or 50 “best” first dates — but these actually consist largely of ideas that would make for awesome second, third, or fourth dates. Using the criteria above for the very best first date, you can narrow things down significantly. The 8 date ideas below are those which will set up the best possible chances for having a good, spark-catalyzing time.
Museum
You’ll never run out of interesting things to say as you tour through a museum’s exhibits, and the backdrop can elevate your conversation above the usual first date banalities. Plus, a nice art museum just feels dang classy.
Mini Golf
Playing putt-putt has an almost cliché, overly wholesome feel to it, but that can actually work in your favor — it shows you don’t take things too seriously, which is an attractive trait. You’ll have plenty of laughs over the course of 18 holes, and afterwards you can move on and treat her to — what else? — a couple of ice cream cones.
Trivia Night
Drinks and trivia are both good inhibition looseners, and you’ll likely be in for a night of laughs and fun. Plus, the element of competition adds a bit of emotional charge.
Pottery Painting
There are places that offer pre-made ceramic pieces that you simply select and paint. It’s surprisingly fun and soothing to do something creative together, and this is a good date if she’s more of a mellow, introverted type.
“Paint and Sip” places are a related idea, and certainly a fine option, but it’s easier to sit face-to-face and converse at a pottery painting place.
Minor League Sports Game
Going to a professional sports game violates the “affordable” tenet of best first dates, but attending a minor league game is right on target. Spectating is admittedly a little side-by-side in nature, but minor league games are usually so casual and laid-back that it’s really easy to turn to each other a lot to converse.
Picnic
Picnics have a lot going for them as far as building attraction. First, you demonstrate your skill and ingenuity in assembling the food you’ll bring as well as in the spot you choose to set up camp (showing you know an impressive location, especially one with a perfect view of the sunset, will score you big points — women like a man who’s got a scout-like knowledge of terrain); don’t go anywhere too secluded though, as that won’t make a lady who doesn’t know you very well yet comfortable. Second, nature is an incomparable backdrop for a date, as it’s been shown to elicit all kinds of positive feelings.
Tea House/Room
What’s great about the standard coffee date is that it packs plenty of face-to-face time around the imbibing of hot beverages — which, believe it or not, has actually been shown to induce warm inter-personal feelings. To retain those two elements, but in a form that’s less causal and abbreviated, try going to a tea house. Not one of those foo-fooey ones, with doilies and crumpets and overstuffed velvet chairs frequented by ladies in big hats, but a classy, “gender-neutral” kind of place where you can taste gourmet teas in a zen-like atmosphere and snack on tasty victuals.
Amusement Park
Nothing will quite get the butterflies fluttering like the laughs and thrills offered by an amusement park. From the darkened tunnels of the spook house, to the suspenseful climb up the rollercoaster hill, there will be plenty of hand-holding moments to go around. Plus, a chance to show-off your he-man strength and win your gal a giant stuffed animal.
Sources: Askmen , Artofmanliness